Critique of Yvonne’s “Notes on a Kitchen Table”

Placing notes on the kitchen table is a practical way for busy housemates with differing schedules to communicate on matters related to the home.  Either resident will cross the table at some point in their day.  In Yvonne’s piece, a disgruntle Ally has left a note accompanied by a flow chart on the table to tell her flaky boyfriend that it’s either his drinking problem or her.  Both the notes and flow chart pose creative ways to write a story around a couple’s conflicted relationship.  Ally’s devotion is strongly evident her familiarity with Danny’s daily routing, as Danny’s problem is very apparent in the red path between bubbles that reveals chronic neglect of his girlfriend.  Since she stayed up until 4am creating a flow chart to incite some change in Danny, it is obvious that Ally sees some positive attribute in him that outweighs his alcoholism and justifies her tolerating the habit, but the reader is not exposed to any redeeming qualities.  Even when Danny says he is “trying” in his late response, he admits to going out (most likely for a drink) in the next sentence.  The piece could use some details that make the reader sympathize for Danny as Ally does.  Also, the image of notes on kitchen table is not evoked much further than the title and the handwritten font in the notes themselves.  Perhaps the first portion of the piece could be photographs of these notes written on notebook paper and left on a table?  It would make sense for each character to have different handwriting too.